Damien rang the doorbell politely, smiling for the camera. The door swung open, and Rupert grinned back. "Hey there neighbor! What can I do for you today?"
"Good morning, Rupert! I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm trying to finish up a project today, and it's been a little hard to focus with the noise – would you mind toning it down a bit, just for the next few hours?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it had gotten so loud!" Rupert replied. "It's just like comforting background noise to me at this point. You know how it is, like when you see someone everyday, you don't notice how they've gained weight little by little, but someone else who hadn't seen them in a while would notice it immediately!"
"Of course, of course," Damien said, relieved that Rupert wasn't offended. "And I'm not asking you to be completely quiet, just…turn things down a bit so we can't hear it over in our house."
"Will do!" Rupert agreed affably. "By the way, how's your friend Ralph?"
"Oh, he's still in bed – and normally I'd be right there with him too. But I just woke up with a really great idea about my project this morning and had to get it down on paper, so here I am!" Damien explained.
"Well, you know, it's been a while since we've all gotten together. Why don't you both come over for dinner tonight?" Rupert asked. "I'd love to test out some new recipes on you!"
"That sounds lovely! I don't think we have any plans tonight, but I'll check in with Ralph and let you know. I've got to get back to my project now, so thanks again for being understanding about the noise!"
*****
The screaming grew louder as Rupert wended his way through the living room and into the barely living room. He paused at the door and cocked his head, trying to pinpoint which of his victims was making enough noise to be heard next door. It kind of felt like a tie between the one he’d picked up for not having papers and one he’d picked up in the wrong bathroom…but the latter had been one of the first he'd brought in, so maybe it was time to wrap that up.
As Rupert filleted his catch, the screams turned to whimpers and then dwindled into silence. Rupert separated out the edible portions and tossed the rest into a bin for composting. It was a shame to lose the screams and his freezer was still partially stocked with his last batch, but at least this stuff made great fertilizer for the Pilea peperomioides in the back garden.
You know, it really was unfortunate that his neighbor's house was so close to the property line on this side. Damien was generally one of the good ones too, only mildly flaunting his lifestyle and rarely making some sort of scene. The big issue was his noise complaints – Rupert didn't understand why Damien made such a big deal about the screaming, but he was starting to get annoyed at being constantly called out about it. Well, he'd deal with that at dinner.
*****
Damien savored the blissful quiet as he sat back down at his desk. He pulled out his notebook and quickly became absorbed in sketching out his grand idea. He'd been trying to design some sort of helmet or earmuffs that would help him focus, and the epiphany had come to him this morning as he dreamed of the beach on Waikiki – sand! Sand was the key! It was dense and would easily dampen sound! Now if he could just find a way to incorporate sand into this helmet design, he would never have to hear those dreadful noises from next door anymore!